Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
