I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
