i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
