So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
