Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
