She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
