I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
