So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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