hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
