i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize