The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
