I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
