what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize