oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
