Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize