I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
