It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
