I have demons in me.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
