it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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