Your mouth is God's brothel.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
