quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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