You really coming over, don't trick.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
