apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
