it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize