we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
