oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I understand Curling. That high.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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