Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
