I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
