if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
