i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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