someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
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