i already hear my dad disowning me
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
