dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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