Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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