Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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