I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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