i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
