he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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