After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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