I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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