Barsexuality is the new black.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
