I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize