In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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