I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
