if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
