my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
