Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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