Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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