maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
