Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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