At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
