You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
