There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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