True but thats because hes a fetus.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
