Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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