there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
