so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
