11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I stole a fireplace last night.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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