is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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