and she was petting her beer can
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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