So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
