Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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