he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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