Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
