call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
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