It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
