After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
