I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
