The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
